By HPRS Race Director John Lacroix

Last week I received one of the weekly emails from Trailrunning Magazine, and the featured article was one written by Colorado’s own David Roche. I’m not much for click bait and tend to shy away, but this one caught my eye. Being Yourself In A World With Haters, was the title and the excerpt read “Lots of people will take issue with you being yourself. But don’t change who you are.”

I couldn’t not click. What I read next was one of the most redemptive and validating articles that I’ve read in a long time. Here is a man who I felt was sticking his neck out there for.. well.. all of us! I’ll be honest though, I couldn’t help but read the article through the lens of a race director.

Just a few weeks ago I received an anonymous email from someone who felt the need to inform me that I am unlike Jamil Coury or James Varner of Aravaipa and Rainshadow respectively. My first thought was how this email was sent anonymously, from an email account someone made up just to hide behind. How do I know? Because the name they used doesn’t have any results on Ultrasignup, yet they spoke extensively about running Jamil and James’ races. As David Roche would put it, “just another monkey throwing feces.”

What really struck me as interesting though was that someone out there has the expectation that I am supposed to be like Jamil and James. Why would I even want to be? I’ve never met James, and I’ve met and spoken kindly to Jamil many times. I know enough about them and their series from the outside to have a pretty good understanding of what they do and how they do it. The truest statement in the entire hate mail was that I’m not Jamil, or James, nor am I in their category. “Phew!” I thought. “Thank god I’m not like those guys.”

Now don’t take that the wrong way. I’m just saying, this sport spans the entire globe. It’s still a niche sport that is finding it’s way to more wide stream acceptance. When I first started running ultras in 2005, there were 20,797 total ultra finishes in all of North America. That’s not a lot of people. An incredibly small sample size compared to the general population, and the percentage of the population who runs 10ks and marathons.

In 2019, there were 118,667 ultra finishes in North America. It’s a different sport, and we don’t know everyone like we used to. Hell, I look around at races most days and wonder, “Who the hell are these people?!” I’ve met a lot of people in 15 years, and I’ll meet many more over the next 15. I can tell you that everyone I have met has been different. A different story, a different goal, a different drive… that “experiment of one” we all talk about.

So why would anyone assume that I want to be like Jamil or James, when I don’t? I honestly don’t want to be like any other race director in trail and ultrarunning. I only want to be me. It’s wrong, offensive even, to suggest that I need to meet the standards of another RD, or another race company, if I’m going to “fit in” to this sport. That’s not how it works. It’s not how it’s ever worked. Imagine if every RD was like Gary Cantrell? Some folks would love that, while others have already quit.

As we start to work our way towards reintegration after our great pause, I know for a fact that every race director has a huge target on their back and a mountain to move. Runners are already comparing the policies, procedures, and concessions of each race company and RD. “Well… I got a full refund from the Choke Cherry 50k and they cancelled a month out. Meanwhile, the Badda Bing 50-Miler cancelled two months out and they offered a 35% credit.” No two races are alike, no two race management companies are alike, no two race directors are alike, no two towns, counties, states, state parks, you name it… they’re all different. Why can’t we find a place in our world to simply respect that?

I directed my first race in 2008. I started HPRS in 2014. In the more than a decade that I’ve been at this, I cannot even begin to tell you the number of times someone has told me who I need to be, and/or how I need to be…

• How to talk and how not to talk.
• What language to use and what language not to use.
• How to promote my races and how not to promote my races.
• How to design a course and how not to design a course.
• How to run my business and how not to run my business.
• How not to hug people because “hugs are creepy.”
• How to be successful, how to make it big, how to make it at all… without even knowing how I define these terms
• “You’re too negative” …  Well, aren’t you so positive!

Hell, at one point in time I was told that the only way HPRS would ever make it is if I removed myself as the face of the brand. Why? “Because so many people think that you’re an asshole, that they simply won’t run your races. It’s best if you remove yourself as the face of your brand until people can get to know you. Once they do know you, then you can come back in and you’ll have more people who understand you.” People truly have no idea how offensive and hurtful their idea of “helping” can sound to the recipient, or maybe they do and the intent is to hurt?

The list is endless. The reality is, that only I get to decide who I am and how I am. Only I get to decide what kind of race director I want to be, what kind of series I want to manage, how I want to be here for people or not. Yet people continue to demand that I be someone I’m not. They demand I be someone they want me to be for their own selfish reasons, rather than accepting that I’m simply not for them and moving along. 

I’m not the only race director who faces this. I’ve talked to many of them in person, on the phone, via text. “Hey… do people treat you like this? Have you ever had something like this happen to you?” I’m always surprised when they answer, “Oh yeah, all the time, and way worse.” I can’t even imagine a worse. I can’t believe we have to endure this at all!

I’ve come to accept that in our sport, people forget that race directors are people too. We turn that thing we all love in to something more. We just want to give back and spread the same things this sport has given us, unto others. We have our own mission, our own vision, and our own ways of going about getting there. I’m not Rob Goyen at Trail Racing Over Texas and Rob isn’t me. I would never, and could never, expect Rob to be exactly like me, or in my ”category.” As a runner, I would never demand that Rob change who he is (to fit my own wants, needs, etc.) in a race director. I can either accept Rob as he is and run his races, or simply go run somewhere else.

As we emerge from “The Great Pause” and move in to “The Great Reset,” we must all accept that not everyone is going to be who we want them to be. Not everyone is going to behave how we want them to behave. Not everyone is going to do what we want them to do. As runners, we have a choice… to Run… or Not. So choose. People who run ultras have long said, “Let your wallet do your voting.” It really is that simple!

Looking back on David’s article once more, I am able to see the need to continue my quest for self-awareness and self-acceptance. I’m a “get what you give” kinda guy. I can be honest in saying that I don’t enjoy unsolicited advice. Most people wrap it up into “I’m just trying to help,” but they lack enough awareness of the big picture, to understand what even would be helpful. It’s hard to offer constructive criticism, when you’ve never constructed what you’re criticizing. I also have found that a lot of people lack enough self-awareness to understand how they present things, or how their words may be hurtful. It’s as if there is an expectation for others to be who you want them to be, without being willing to reciprocate the same.

I am well aware that not everyone likes me. Not everyone likes how I talk, or how I race direct, or even that I offer a hug… but thanks for letting me know. The other day I was told that my finish line hugs “are creepy.” Guess what… you don’t need to receive one! I’m not Jamil, I’m not James, and I’m not Rob. I don’t ever want to be like any of those guys, because if we were all alike and our races were run the same way, it’d get real boring real fast. I can tell you that, I’m not about to change who I am or how I am for anyone other than for myself and the community of people who I actually serve.

I understand that not everyone will choose to run here, and that’s fine! Go find the series and RD who best matches what you are seeking. I am me. I’ve always been me. I am unique, eccentric, rough around the edges, and a hornet (non-deadly) if you swat at me. If it’s not your cup of tea, there are other races and other RDs you can enjoy. But demanding I be someone I’m not…that’s a lost cause, and an unreasonable expectation of any human. How would you like it if I provided a laundry list of demands related to who you need to be?

I also want to highlight the fact that you don’t have to make a race about the race director. Race day is for you, and all about you. It’s your race. Nine times out of ten, you don’t even need to interact with the race director. You’re signing up for a race to run a cool course, with other people, and get supported with food and water. If the race is well run, the course is what you enjoy, and you’re receiving the aid you need; then great! I happen to be one of those RDs who you see often, who is constantly checking in on you and our volunteers. You’ll see me, but that doesn’t mean you need to talk to me.

For those of you who went to college, I want you to think back to those days. Remember when you signed up for a course, and after the first 2 or 3 classes you realized that you hated the professor? Your response was to either:

• Suck it up, take the class, and get what you need out of it.
• Or.. You switched to the same class with a different professor, or you waited for it to be offered by a different professor.
• Or.. you just didn’t take the class.

Guess what? Running is the same way. You can either choose to run, choose to run somewhere else, or choose not to run at all. WHO CARES WHO THE RD IS?! “Because I don’t want to give my money to that RD, I don’t support them or who they are.” Great! Then. Simply. Don’t. You’re free to patronize wherever you’d like, but you don’t get to demand someone be who they are not.

As race directors, we are people too. We are flawed, we make mistakes, we are human. Most of us backed in to being business owners as a fun way to give back to the sport we love. Others, still have no idea that they even run a business at all. At the end of the day, we don’t deserve to be kicked, punched, beat up, insulted, and questioned around every corner simply because we run a business. Just because you paid for a service, doesn’t mean you then get to dictate how the manager runs the store.

New this year, Ultrasignup has created a functionality on the back end of the site that allows race directors to ban runners from being able to sign up for their races. We’ve entered the age where RDs can finally stand up for themselves, and deny service to those who are deliberately hurtful, or anyone we want really. Yes.. you read that right. Race directors can choose to deny service to anyone they want and for any reason. Just like you have an option to “run.. or don’t” we also have an option to “serve you.. or not.”

This is an incredibly stressful time for race directors. Our job is harder than it has ever been. The amount of work that is required of us to get our races to happen is huge. We truly are moving mountains… literally. And at this time, it’s really sad that as our businesses are up against the wall.. that runners are choosing to be mean. Kicking us while we’re down.

All this talk of change, demanding that we be someone who you want us to be, rather than simply accepting us for who we are…   If I changed to be just like Jamil, James, or Rob; Some of you would be happy. But then I’d have a whole handful of runners who would be pissed that I changed who I was at all. A lot of people actually like who I am, how I do things, and how this series is run. Each race series has a community that they cater towards, that aligns with the core values of the race(s) they host. It’s not always going to be for everyone, and it’s not something you change. It’s either for you, or it’s not. Run or don’t. Just please quit sailing your entitled shit ship into the waters of demanding people be who you want them to be, instead of either accepting who they are.. or moving on.

Hey David Roche…     THANK YOU